Take Charge of Your Life: Stop Waiting Around for Love and Put Yourself First

First of all, you are not missing anything, you are not a half, and there is not a missing piece of you that you will find by being with someone. It’s important to know that you were sent to earth as the complete and wonderful person that you are. It is very common to have these feelings like you’re missing something, and so you begin to look outside of yourself. But, this habit stops now. You don’t need someone else to feel whole. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that finding a partner will solve all your problems and make everything right, but the truth is that no one else can save you from the life you hate, except yourself. A relationship is supposed to be an addition to the happiness you already give yourself and get from the life you have created, and you probably know this, but just don’t know how to get there.

If this is you, I am so happy you have found this blog. Now, let’s get started on how you stop waiting around for a partner, take control of your life, step into your boss bitch and queen energy, put yourself first, learn how to feel whole and fulfill yourself, and create a life you love.

So, there are 9 steps separated into 3 sections with each being as important as the next. The first 3 steps are about how you look outside of yourself, understanding why, how to get everything from within, how to feel whole, and ultimately fulfill yourself. Steps 4 to 6 are all about you, your independence and individuality, how to put yourself first, reach your goals, and create the life you love, And then the last 3 steps to me are the more fun ones, about leveling up, stepping into your queen energy, how to become magnetic as fuck, and embracing all of you to find your inner power. Alright, let’s dive in.

Self-Confidence Tip: build trust with yourself by following through with what you say

Step 1

When you think about wanting a partner, or a love life, there is a feeling you want, something you are neglecting within yourself, or a need you are seeking outside of yourself to fulfill. You need to reflect on what this feeling is and give it to yourself. You are going to create a list and what this list actually is, is a cheat sheet to how to feel whole and fulfill yourself. This is everything you want, everything your subconscious is telling you that is missing, that you are waiting to get from another person. But, we do not do this anymore. We take our life into our own hands and be the partner, friend, parent, or whatever we needed and craved our whole life for ourselves. Ultimately, this is a great tool to make you feel whole, independent, fulfilled, and in control of your life while at the same time manifesting your dream partner. So, start showing up for yourself by following the steps below.

1. You want to start by creating a list of everything you want from a partner. If you already have one, great, use that or update it. For me, I want someone who is funny, emotionally intelligent, has good hygiene, is a good cook, progressive, thoughtful, likes to travel, is spontaneous, likes deep talks, etc. Basically, this list is from a while ago, and I realize I just described myself, who I want to be, and what I want from myself.
2. We only attract what we are, so look at your list and see what qualities you are already embodying, and give yourself a checkmark next to these. Then, the ones you are not already embodying are the energies that you are missing. These are the ones that you need to start tapping into and searching for a way to bring into your everyday life. I feel like the list is separated into two: energies you like, that you might be neglecting and need to realize are already within you, more the character traits, and then there are the actions and needs.
3. Now, you want to look at what behaviors you want from a partner, and what your needs are that you are seeking outside of yourself. This is almost like reparenting your inner child by fulfilling your own needs. A common example is if you like when your partner gets you flowers and you are single, get yourself some flowers. Fucking court yourself bitch.

Step 2

For this step, we are going to reflect on our values. This is something I never did and was uncomfortable asking myself, but I finally did it, reflected on it for a couple of days, and this is the only thing I have ever done to give me the biggest and most instantaneous confidence boost. So trust me when I say you want to do this. Identify what that underlying feeling is beneath your desires because it is never actually an external thing you want, it is the feeling it gives you.

1. Get clear on your values by reflecting on what you constantly gravitate towards and seek out. Reflect on the feelings under your manifestations. If you are manifesting money, maybe you want stability or freedom. Reflect on your hobbies. If you enjoy painting, what is it about it that you appreciate, the flow, silencing of your mind, the freedom, creativity, or maybe you just want to express yourself more? What are qualities in your friends that you value? the conversations, kindness, reliability? What is it about your dream job that reflects your desired lifestyle? What do you want from life? A lot of times it will all come back to the same core values.
2. During your reflection, create a list of every value you can think of, and you can narrow it down later. After you have a long list and have thought of everything, see where you have some repeats or similar root values and try to narrow it down into keywords.
3. Every day, tap into that energy and look for more ways to bring that into your life. If you want more stability, reflect on what will make you feel more secure, maybe you are feeling all over the place and could benefit from a routine or plan. Create a life with habits that align with your values and then see how you feel. Don’t be surprised if you feel more fulfilled, magnetic, aligned, happy, independent, and present. Now, you have a life you love without feeling the need to look outside of yourself.

Step 3

The key to loving yourself is not to focus so much on loving yourself, but to love being yourself.

Step 4

If independence is something you struggle with, this is the step for you. This is a harsh truth, but at the end of the day, we only have ourselves. Other people will always be entering and exiting our lives, but we are the person we are going to spend our whole life with. There is no escaping the relationship with ourselves, so you can choose to nurture the relationship or not. If you are at a stage in your life where you don’t have very many friends, like me, that is totally normal and won’t last forever. But, what if this stage in your life is happening on purpose because you are meant to become your own best friend, finally focus on your needs, take care of yourself, put yourself first, find what you want from life, enjoy spending time in your own energy, be selfish, truly get to know yourself, and learn how to feel whole on your own.

1. So, learning to actually enjoy spending time with yourself and being able to do things on your own is a very important lesson to learn. Use this time to do whatever the fuck you want, become who you want, try everything, focus on yourself, and truly ask yourself all the questions you have been too uncomfortable and preoccupied to answer. Learn to enjoy sitting in your energy and love being you.
2. Ask yourself why you always like to be around others and struggle to be alone. What are you scared of happening if you spend time alone? What memories or thoughts do you want to avoid by always being around others? What is the root belief behind not wanting to be alone?
3. Adopt the mindset that just because you spend time alone, doesn’t mean you are alone in this world. It might be lonely at times, but you are not alone, especially in feeling lonely, and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Sometimes, we just go through a phase in life where we are meant to get closer to ourselves and not have others always at the forefront of our life, and that’s okay. I am going through this right now, and it’s been a very healing time for me to focus on my needs and what I want for the first time in my life. Maybe you just need a mindset shift. So, sit in the feeling of loneliness. The resistance toward it is probably what’s causing it to be so uncomfortable. What is the worst thing that would happen if you just accepted it and sat in this energy?

Step 5

Detachment is something I really put on the back burner because it felt really hard to me. But it is so important, especially in your relationships, in cultivating a sense of self, your manifestations, and wanting inner peace. Attachment causes so much internal conflict, anxiety, and exhaustion from trying to control everything outside of yourself. I promise you, you are not in control, it is just an illusion of control if any. If you want to find actual security, peace, amazing relationships, authenticity, and want to learn how to feel whole, to get to know yourself better, and be able to rely on your inner power, then you are going to want to master the art of detachment. There might need to be some inner work done and practice to get to a place where you are completely detached, but it is so worth it because it allows you to finally put yourself first, and allow others to take responsibility of themself.

1. First, you need to separate yourself from outside things. You are your own entity and you are whole. You need to separate your identity from other people and things and remember that you are your own person. This will help you find security within yourself. I never thought of it this way, but detachment is literally having mental boundaries.
2. Now, I want you to practice acceptance, that’s it. You have to accept where you are and who you are. Allow yourself to be your authentic self by detaching from other people’s opinions, allow others to be who they are and where they are at, and allow external things to just be. You don’t have control over everything and forcing situations will never end well. Accepting that uncertainty is just a part of life, and sometimes things don’t happen how you expect them to. This will allow you so much more peace. Embrace all of life, all the mistakes and hard times because resisting them is much more harmful. What is meant for you will never pass you by and that is all you need to know.
3. Lastly, understanding that people should only be an addition to your life and happiness, and you will be completely okay with others not in your life. You are allowed to love your friends, family, and partner and also know that you will be perfectly fine and capable to go on living without them. You can enjoy people’s company and addition to your already fulfilling life without needing them to be in it forever to complete you. Learning how to feel whole without needing anyone allows inner peace and for you to rely on your inner power. Everything is happening for you, not to you, remember that.

Step 6

So, now that we know what’s missing in our lives, what we want from life, and how to feel whole and fulfill ourselves, we are going to take that information and create a life we love. This is your time to focus solely on your goals, put yourself first, and work toward your dream life. So, don’t waste this time. Time will pass either way, so you could be using it by waiting around for someone to save you or you could just start by taking steps every day toward your manifestations, career, and dream lifestyle.

1. Now, I want you to get clear on everything you don’t like in your life, you can journal dump about this because when we know we don’t want, it leads us to find what we do want.
2. Some areas of your life you may want to focus on is your wellness and health, your mind and knowledge, your career and money, your everyday life and routine, your free time and hobbies, your relationship with yourself, and your relationship with others. These are just some ideas. I just want you to pick areas of your life that you want to level up and get clear on what you want for that area. What does your highest self’s life look like in that area?
3. Now, you know what you want, I want you to set goals for yourself. I recommend you start small because a lot of times when it is too overwhelming we drop it altogether. So, you can set a couple of goals for yourself weekly within each area and just take it day by day. Create a plan that works for you, and this might take some trial and error. But, remember to align your goals to your values and what feelings you want more in your life, we had the partner list and values before this step for a reason.

Becoming your authentic self is not about finding it, but about unlearning and uncovering it.

Step 7

Balancing your feminine and masculine energies is actually so important. This has nothing to do with your gender, and everyone has both. This can also just be referred to as yin or yang. Unhealed feminine energy shows up as attachment, suppression, low self-esteem, neglecting yourself, passive behavior, people pleasing, comparison and competition, no boundaries, and dimming your light. And, unhealed masculine energy can look like being reactive, afraid of the unknown, being overly critical, aggressive, blaming, overworking, controlling, selfish, needing to be right, and afraid of failure. These are not all the symptoms, but the main ones, and the rest fall in the same area. So, how do you heal from this?

1. I would recommend starting with journaling, reflecting, looking at your behaviors, and how this shows up in your life. Consciousness is a huge first step when breaking a pattern. And, having clarity of what unhealed feminine and masculine energy looks like for you, and getting to the root of it is an important part of this journey. Societal conditioning, childhood, trauma, and just personal experiences are a couple of common factors that lead to an imbalance in these energies. So, doing the inner work is a vital part of healing and balancing both energies, but is not the only step.
2. Healing your feminine energy looks like dropping into your body, following what feels right, listening to your intuition and body, receiving, feeling your emotions, and just allowing yourself to be. Trying is the opposite of feminine energy. A lot of times we get caught up in what we have to do and what’s next that we forget to just allow ourselves to be a human on this planet and that’s it. Making time for self-care, meeting your own needs, being present, allowing yourself actually to fully rest, activating your senses more, being more creative, and authentic, surrendering and trusting, connecting to your inner child, and just slowwwwing downnnnn. Movement like dancing and yoga are also really helpful with healing your feminine energy since it has to do with flow and being in your body, allowing yourself to move and dance intuitively.
3. Healing your masculine energy includes having self-compassion, supporting yourself, observing your thoughts instead of reacting, grounding yourself, allowing yourself to be in your authentic energy, and focusing on what is in your control. My favorite thing to do is to create a list of all the qualities I wish my father had, how he treated me and supported me, and then practice giving those things to yourself. Creating this list allows you to imagine what healthy masculine energy looks like. Boundaries are so important when healing your masculine energy, and might be the most important next to taking aligned action. Lastly, I want you to work on building your confidence from within, be clear on what you want, and be more authoritative. You’ve got this.

Step 8

Alright, now let’s bring some astrology into this plan. You might have seen countless videos on tiktok talking about dressing as your rising sign and Venus sign, but I absolutely love this trend because it is so spot on. Your rising sign is what will make you feel more like yourself and aligned, and express yourself authentically, while your Venus sign is what makes you feel hot and magnetic. Combining the two has helped me clarify what I was already gravitating toward and develop my personal style.

1. Go to your birth chart at https://horoscopes.astro-seek.com/ and look at your rising sign and your venus sign.
2. Now, I want you to go to https://bloominginthewild.com/discover-your-authentic-style-with-astrology/, my blog telling you how to dress as your rising and Venus sign, telling you the style, colors, and vibes of each zodiac sign. Just take from it what you like and leave the rest, you should ultimately wear what you like and what makes you feel amazing. Then, I want you to make a Pinterest board of them mixed together through the lens of your personal style. If you need some inspiration, I created a Pinterest board that includes each zodiac sign’s style aesthetic. And, if you want to be a little fancier, I say add in a touch of your moon sign and if you have any stelliums.
3. Now, onto my favorite tip. Don’t worry if you don’t have clothes that match your rising or Venus sign and don’t want to go out and buy some because this tip is all about embodying energy. First, find out what sign your Venus is in, then search up the positive traits of just that zodiac sign. Then, start tapping into that energy more and embodying those traits. You’ll feel sexier and not only become magnetic to others but also to your manifestations. And you’re done. 😉

Step 9

Finally, we will be talking about embracing your dark feminine energy through your Lilith sign, shadow work, and embodiment. Feminine energy is not all light, love, and nurturing. As feminine energy is about feeling and emotions, that includes every emotion. Dark feminine energy is the unconscious, suppressed, the parts of ourselves that have been shamed and told aren’t acceptable to be expressed in this society. So, embracing this energy will allow you to feel whole, authentic, magnetic, and connected to your inner power and sexuality. With that said, let’s begin.

1. I want you to do shadow work by meeting your “negative” emotions with compassion. When you are jealous, insecure, angry, sad, judgemental, etc., I want you to embrace that feeling, sit in it, and try to understand what this feeling is telling you about yourself before you go on projecting onto and blaming the person that triggered you. I think this is the most effective way to do shadow work, but you can also do shadow work journal prompts.
2. Again, I want you to go to https://horoscopes.astro-seek.com/ and scroll all the way down to your lilith sign, which is about the parts of yourself where you feel shame and is all about extremes. The goal is to embrace that energy and area in a healthy way. You can find information on your sign and house if you want a quick summary at https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/black-moon-lilith and by searching your house and sign on tiktok, https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR3bT3AH/ and https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR3b4jEr/ are great, but if you want one more in-depth, go to https://advanced-astrology.com/black-moon-lilith-in-houses/ and https://advanced-astrology.com/category/astrology/astrology-articles/lilith-in-signs/.
3. Finally, I want you to bring your dark feminine energy into your daily practices. First, I want you to meditate daily because this helps you work with your subconscious and dive deeper into yourself. You can literally start by just doing 5 minutes a day. I know it can be frustrating, but understand that this is a practice and you won’t be good at it at first. And, I want you to tap into your lilith sign energy more every day, and feel into the power of your dark feminine energy, accepting it and embracing it. Feel it coursing through your whole body. And that’s it.

Now that you are done reading my blog, I hope you feel empowered to put yourself first, embrace all the parts of yourself, fulfill yourself, and have fun in your independent, free, and single era. I want you to recognize that every part of yourself is equally important and worthy. You are worthy of treating yourself kindly and being treated by others like the queen that you are. Remember that any negative treatment you get from someone has to do with them and their relationship with themselves, and you should actually feel sorry for them. But, at the same time not accept that behavior and remove yourself. I just wanted to say that, so you don’t internalize the treatment you get from others and start to question your worthiness. I hope you enjoyed reading this and are inspired to bring some of these practices into your life. I love you all. <3