Focus on changing your mindset and habits, not changing your authentic self. You are meant to be exactly who you are. If you change who you are based on who you are around to get them to like you, then this is the blog for you. You were specifically designed to be who you are, from your personality to your talents and dreams. And you are worthy just because, not because of your achievements, possessions, or reputation. Worthiness is not something you need to work for, but something you need to recognize within yourself and the people around you.
In this blog, I only have 5 sections for you: reflection, mindset, inner work, habits, and what to improve on. Once you have decided to begin the journey of unveiling your authentic self, I want you to remember that it’s not something you need to go looking for outside of yourself. You probably have a lot of societal conditioning and limiting beliefs around your authentic self, so this process looks more like peeling back all of that layer by layer. You deserve to be your authentic self and other people deserve to get to experience that version of you. Just start where you are and take it day by day. You’ve got this.
REFLECTION TIME:
Where Are You Not Confident
- Reflect and then write down all of the areas that you don’t feel confident in. Sometimes we are insecure about an area of our life and we don’t want to face that feeling, so we don’t even bother. Most of the time there is a root reason you’re not confident in that area. It could be an experience or a comment that first made you think that way. We are not born insecure, we learn it. So, reflection is going to be key.
- I want you to pick 3 habits/steps you can take to better each area of your life. If one of your areas that you aren’t confident in is your body, then your 3 habits could be daily movement, daily affirmations, and self-care for your body. If it’s your knowledge, then pick 3 topics to start learning about, something that you have always been interested in.
- Now, you should have a list of the areas you want to level up and 3 steps for each. Your next step is to take action. You can either choose one area and focus on those 3 habits or choose 3 habits from different areas, it’s up to you. Make time in your day to complete the 3 habits you chose, and when you’re ready to move on, choose your next 3. Just don’t take on too much at one time or you won’t stick to it.
What Negative Thoughts Are You Telling Yourself
- I want you to journal dump all of the negative thoughts you think about yourself that you have on a loop in your head. It’s easier when you have it in a list form, but either works. Our mind a lot of the time just has the same few thoughts on a loop in our head whether we are aware of it or not.
- It is great to put it on paper because it brings it to your awareness so that you can break the cycle. Now that you have a whole list of all the negative thoughts you think about yourself, one by one cross out each negative thought and then write the opposite. Ex: I’m not good enough, you cross it out and write I am good enough. Keep going until you are done with your list.
- Now that you have a bunch of positive affirmations and your negative ones crossed out. I want you on your phone or on another piece of paper to write down only all of the positive affirmations. Now, you keep that list and make those your daily affirmations.
What Are Your Strengths and Passions
- A lot of people are really good at pointing out what’s wrong with them, but not as good at pointing out what they do like about themselves. In your notes, I want you to keep a running list of all the things that you like about yourself. I want you to start the list now, but every time you think of something new, add it to the list. It is a great list to look back on when you are not in a great mental state or just want to be reminded of who you really are.
- The next list I want you to create is one of all of your strengths and all that comes naturally to you. Before, we reflected on where we are insecure in our life and not confident, now I want you to do the opposite. It is a good tool to know your weaknesses, but an even better one to know your strengths.
- Lastly, I want you to list all the things you love, all of the things you are passionate about and could spend all of your time doing. Doing more of what you love and knowing what you love allows you to know yourself more deeply. Some people never take the time to actually reflect on what they like to do and they just follow the path that others want from them. That’s not a habit of a confident person.
MINDSET SHIFTS:
We Are All Equals
- Our entire society is built upon the idea that some people are better than others. The idea that a sex, race, sexual orientation, class, religion, or nationality is better than the other. The list goes on with celebrities, pretty people, skinny people, young people, or even extroverts who are all seen as superior and more worthy. We are all humans, nothing makes you inherently better or worse than one another.
- Our society is so ego-driven. Nobody is literally better than anyone. If you are stuck in a victim mindset, are a know-it-all, think everything is a competition, seek external validation, have a lack mindset, are scared of being vulnerable, constantly need to be right, and think you are better than other people, it might be time to check your ego. And, if you think your possessions, your achievements, and what others think of you define you, then that’s another sign that you are living from your ego.
- Trust me, I called myself out there too. We are human and our ego is just trying to keep us safe, but the best thing you can do is just to become aware of it. The goal is to move from a place of love, trust, and abundance. So, reflect on how it shows up in your life through your choices and actions, stay conscious, and choose love from now on.
Put Yourself On a Pedestal
- Putting yourself on a pedestal is not about thinking you are better than everyone else, but about recognizing yourself as an important individual worthy of pouring your love into. It’s about recognizing your worth, the power of your authenticity, prioritizing your well-being, and not accepting less than you deserve.
- The first step is to stop getting second opinions. When you ask for another opinion, you are telling yourself that what you think doesn’t matter. Your opinion of yourself should be on the pedestal because you are the only one that will ever know all of you. No one will know all of your life experiences, thoughts, intentions, dreams, etc. Why are you going to rely on someone else’s warped lens of you to give you worth and tell you how to live your life?
- Next, is focusing on your actions. See yourselves as the bad bitch that you are, and therefore shower yourselves with love, care, celebration, and recognition. Focus on your overall well-being including your mental, physical, and emotional health. Do things that make you feel good, bring you joy, and nourish your soul. And don’t do things that drain your energy and aren’t aligned with your values.
You Are A Human With Flaws, and That’s Okay
- You are someone with flaws, just like everyone else. You can spend your whole life hating yourself and others for having flaws and trying to fix every last one (that will be an endless goal). Or, you can spend your life accepting yourself and the human experience which is and always will be messy.
- The idea of perfection is an illusion. Start by redefining what your attitude and end goals are in life. Maybe instead it could be focusing on doing your best, staying true to yourself and your vision, and becoming good at adapting to changes. Stop focusing on perfection and redefine what you actually mean when you say it. Everyone has a different view of what perfection is.
- See the beauty in imperfect things and imperfect people. Imperfections are what make us human, unique, and interesting. Look at all of your favorite characters, are they perfect, no, but you still love them. Celebrate people’s little quirks, differences, and unique qualities.
INNER WORK:
Shadow Work
- Everything around us and our entire life consists of duality. Accepting and recognizing that will make your life a million times easier. If you spend your whole life running away from the hard times and the darker side of life, you will be running for half of your life or more because as you know what you resist, persists. Every single person is both good and bad, every emotion has an opposite, and it helps us understand things. Without down, how could we understand what up was? Without sadness, we wouldn’t appreciate joy, and so on.
- Your shadow self is just the qualities you have rejected within yourself and therefore hide. These qualities aren’t inherently bad, but you probably had experiences where you were told or shown it was not okay or not safe to show or have that quality. It is just the fact that you have rejected those qualities within yourself because of your perspective that it has become your shadow self. You want to embrace and accept all of the parts of yourself because the “dark” and “light” aspects of you are equally as important.
- Then, there are your “negative” emotions. This is the best way to know where you can begin healing. When you are judging someone else, triggered, angry, annoyed, sad, scared, jealous, etc., instead of blaming the person that triggered this within you and projecting, you need to understand that they are only shining a light on what is within you. When this happens, reflect on what this has to do with you, what the root is, and why you are bothered in the first place. Be brave enough to face these feelings, feel them, and be honest with yourself.
Detachment
- Attachment only causes suffering. So, first, figure out what your attachment style is and learn about it. Then, reflect on how that shows up in your life and in your patterns in all of your relationships. There is anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, fearful-avoidant attachment, and secure attachment. The goal is to have a secure attachment, but that will be a journey consisting of self-reflection and awareness, self-compassion, healing your inner child and deepest wounds and fears, self-regulation and mindfulness, and practice. Check out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZET-ETVoSZY for an easy guide.
- In mastering detachment, the first I’m going to talk about is control, which is usually just coming from a place of wanting safety. Trust and changing your perspective are going to help heal this. When we think things aren’t going in our favor that is just our perception of what’s happening because it’s not going exactly how we want it to. Uncertainty is just a part of life, and control is an illusion, but everything always ends up working out in your favor, so just stop forcing things and looking for safety from your external reality because that will never work. Feeling safe no matter what other people are doing or whatever is happening is what will allow you real and long-lasting inner peace.
- Our next practice is allowing, accepting, and separating ourselves from other people and situations. We are a separate entity from everything else, and other people are just an addition to our life. We love our family and friends, but we would be okay if they weren’t in our life. I remind myself regularly that the worst thing that will happen is you will be sad. And, if you are not okay with negative feelings, you can start there by embracing the duality of life. Allow others to be themselves and allow yourself to be your authentic self, trust yourself that you will make the right decision for yourself, and pick yourself back up no matter what.
Growth and Abundance Mindset
- An abundance mindset is not just about money, it affects your relationships, your behaviors, your entire perspective of life, of others, and of yourself. If you are a jealous person that just means you have a scarce mindset and that can be hard on your relationships. Someone else’s beauty, success, happiness, luck, talent, and love will never take away from your own.
- Everyone has a unique personality, talents, dreams, wounds, needs, experiences, perspective, and therefore life path. What works for some people isn’t gonna work for everyone. We are all on our own journeys with different timelines, goals, and milestones. First, you need to cut back on social media exposure. Then accept that you are you and that’s not going to change, and instead, focus on enhancing your talents and becoming the best version of yourself. Lastly regularly practice gratitude and celebration of yourself, your life, and others.
- Adopting a growth mindset takes a lot of stress off and gets you working with life, not against it. First, there is no end goal, the end is death, and in the meantime there is life. Sorry that’s harsh, but acknowledging death, allows you to stop taking life for granted, taking life too seriously, and putting everything off like achieving your goals and actually being happy. In life, there will be roadblocks, instead of trying to avoid them, focus on becoming amazing at adapting and problem-solving. But, my main tip for you is to always stay curious.
EVERYDAY HABITS:
Affirmations
- With affirmations, you might feel better in that moment, but it’s not something that gives you instant results. Rewiring your brain takes patience, consistency, and effort, but it is so worth it. Positive self-talk is so beneficial. It changes your life because it changes the lens in which you live your life.
- Affirmations with meaning and emotion behind them are a million times more powerful. The universe and your subconscious mind understand more of what you mean not what you say. If you are reciting an affirmation, but in the back of your mind you believe the opposite, it will not work. It’s better to say 3 affirmations with your whole body than to say 100 not believing it at all.
- When starting out, you can’t jump to saying I’m a millionaire because you won’t believe it. It is better to build a solid foundation before you jump to that. Starting with I’m good enough, I am worthy, I am safe, I believe in myself, etc. The key is to start where you are, start with what you need to hear, and work your way up.
Follow Through With What You Say
- This is the confidence tip I would tell someone just starting out. It’s an easy way to give yourself proof of why you should trust and believe in yourself. I hadn’t realized that trust created confidence, and I didn’t realize how damaging not following through with what you say you will do was. Why is it so easy for us to break the promises we make to ourselves? But, for a lot of people, it’s a different story when it comes to others. We can follow through for others but not ourselves.
- When you can’t rely on yourself, how will you believe in yourself to achieve your goals? You can’t rely on everyone, but you should at least be able to rely on yourself. When you don’t do what you need to do, the consequences are put on your future self, all of the work and extra stress. I used to struggle with discipline, but what helps me is to remember that I’m doing this for my future self, I am helping her out, so she doesn’t have to do it. Discipline is remembering what you want the most, not just what you want right now.
- The best hack I’ve learned to rewire your subconscious mind to believe that you do follow through with what you say you do without doing much work is to just say out loud what you are about to do. It’s as easy as: I’m going to drink from my water bottle, then you drink from your water bottle. If you do this throughout the day, whenever you remember, you will have your subconscious mind rewired in no time.
Wrap Everything In Love
- My best tip for you here is as simple as wrapping yourself in love. This is something I now live by and you should too. Love is always there. It is never restricted from you. You just have to allow yourself to feel it. I sometimes like to imagine it especially when I’m sad like the fluffiest blanket of love that I get to wrap around myself.
- Wrap everything in love, especially when it is the hardest. When it feels so hard to reach and so far away that is when you need it the most. Love truly does always win as cheesy as it sounds. The feeling of love is so powerful. It brings instant ease into any situation. You deserve to feel love all the time even when you’re in a fight, even when you are sad, etc.
- A reason low moments can feel so painful and hard to get through is because we aren’t feeling love and shame can take over. And when you reach for love, then all you feel is sadness. Resistance to your emotions and shame around what you’re feeling is what causes low moments to feel unbearable.
WHAT TO WORK ON:
Prove It to Yourself
- Our mind loves nothing more than proof. So, the best way to boost your confidence, overcome self-doubt, and feel secure within yourself is to prove to yourself what you are capable of.
- Not reaching your full potential can lead to feeling unfulfilled, dissatisfied, disappointed, frustrated, regretful, inadequate, stagnant, low self-worth and self-esteem, and a lack of purpose. These feelings can lead you to be in a depressive state.
- Yes, getting out of your comfort zone can feel scary and unsafe, but can be the thing that makes you feel alive, confident, believe in yourself, become your best self, and receive amazing opportunities. Your most successful and highest self is not discovered within your comfort zone.
Work on Your Body Language
- There is a link from our body to our brain and our brain to our body, and it can be a positive one or a negative one. Our body both reflects our internal state and can influence it. So, the first body language step is to practice standing tall and straight and use open and expansive gestures. And it might feel silly, but at home practice power poses.
- As I said above, your body language impacts your internal state, which then impacts your thoughts and then emotions. And if it affects our thoughts that means it can alter our self-perception. Tip number 2, to help with anxiety, take deep and controlled breaths (in through your nose and out through your mouth) and slow down your movements.
- Body language is a form of non-verbal communication, and people often make assumptions based on these cues because our brain is wired to process visual information quickly. Whether you are aware of it or not, your body language is altering people’s perception of you. Tip number 3, eye contact and a genuine smile go a long way.
Prioritize Your Self-concept
- Self-concept is, in simple terms, how you perceive yourself, think about yourself, and understand yourself. It actually plays a big role in your self-esteem, your behavior, your relationships, and your overall well-being and quality of experiences.
- Some questions to ask yourself: What are my values and core beliefs? What are my strengths and weaknesses? What are my passions and interests? What is my definition of success? What does fulfillment look like and feel to me? How do I talk to myself? How do I react and treat myself in low moments? When do I feel most authentically myself?
- Developing a secure and positive self-concept will be a journey. This journey will include a lot of self-awareness and reflection, self-acceptance, believing in yourself and your worthiness, aligning with your personal values, putting your opinions above anyone else’s, self-care and nurturing practices, and just focusing on creating a positive relationship with yourself.
This is just what worked for me, and so I hope that it works for you. Everyone deserves to experience the feeling of just being themselves and loving themselves exactly as they are. You deserve to attract the right people to you that love you for your authentic self. And, others deserve to be in your presence as your authentic self. An abundance mindset, recognizing your worth, and wrapping everything in love go a very long way. I love you and I am so proud of you for reading this blog and taking that first step. That’s amazing that you want better for yourself and are trying.
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